Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Sign Of A Cheating Husband

Sign Of A Cheating Husband

An interesting cheating husband article, How I Caught My Cheating Husband, by J Logan. I hope you find the cheating husband article of use.

My suspicions had been building since shortly after my wedding. My husband was frequently out of town of business, his trips almost always conveniently overlapping the weekends. Early on I learned of a few times he was in town when he was supposed to have been away. I assumed from that point he had been cheating, but I had no proof.

In terms of our sex life, the honeymoon was over after a few short months. The next few years were a sexual drought. As he was rarely around physically or emotionally. He continued to provide a very comfortable life for me and our daughter, and I suppose he felt like this gave him carte blanch permission to be as distant as he liked.

It was over a year after my first suspicions of infidelity before I ever confronted him about it. At that point I was reasonably sure there was somebody else, or several somebodies. I asked the question amid several other questions so he didn't assume I was truly on to him.

Of course he denied anything extramarital. He gave the tired excuse that he worked so hard he had little time or energy left for anything else. He told me he still loved me very much and the way things were going he would in a position of more money and less travel very soon and that he would be able to retire at around 50. If I was just patient, everything would be great, he would have the time and energy to shower me with affection, we would travel the world, etc.

I wanted to believe him. I wanted what he promised so bad it hurt. But I was already convinced the was cheating and I didn't believe a word he said. But I pretended to believe him and backed off, hoping I could catch him in a situation he couldn't deny.

I wanted to think like a private detective. I read PI books, fiction and otherwise. I watched PI movies and TV shows, not because I thought they were very realistic, but because I wanted to catch the few reasonable flashes of pseudo-reality and wanted to try to look at everything from an analytical standpoint. I watched all the true crime detective stories I could and talked at length to some cop friends of mine.

I realized after several months that I lacked some important resources that real investigators had. Notably absent were time, anonymity and cash. I didn't work outside the home, and while I did have credit cards to do with as I wished, I couldn't very well purchase surveillance equipment or hire professional help without being found out.

My friends became co-conspirators in my quest for truth. They were proxies for payments for spy equipment, I borrowed their vehicles for use in exercising surveillance techniques I'd learned from books and movies, and their homes served as the investigative headquarters.

For many months the searches obtained no proof of infidelity, though there was more than enough circumstantial evidence that everyone involved was certain he was cheating. I suspected for a long time that the cheating was happening out of town, and with my daughter at home, it was somewhere between difficult and impossible to chase him around the country and acquire proof of infidelity.

My end game remained the same, but I had developed and intermediate goal of somehow knowing where he would be during one of his trips. That way I could either physically be there to catch him or have a place to send a PI if I could muster the courage to pull the trigger on such an endeavor.

As his lies seemed to become ever more frequent, I knew I could rely on little he said as far as my plan to catch him. He was always honest about where he was traveling to and when he would return, however. Business took him to St. Louis at least twice a month. Which was, I would soon discover, very convenient.

After many different plans--some horrible and poorly thought out--I discovered a way to narrow down his rendezvous points and quite possibly catch him in the act, though I was several time zones away. I would have to get some help from an outside source, I would have to spend some money, and I would have to be sure.

I planned it out for weeks. I took meticulous notes. And I waited for him to shower. As he was washing away everything but his guilt, I went through his cell phone, feverishly copying down every number I didn't recognize. In a few minutes I had over thirty phone numbers, the calls going back a little over a week. Although I was moving too fast to have included all the notes I wanted to, I circled the numbers I noticed were dialed at strange hours.

The next day I retrieved my hidden notepad and began the arduous process of identifying phone numbers. I figured out that about two-thirds of them were legitimately work related or otherwise non-suspicious (numbers of family, friends, a Chinese take-out joint near Busch Stadium, etc). The remainder of them, mostly cell phone numbers, were a mystery.

According to most self-proclaimed experts, there is no way to identify a cell phone number. But the web offered many opportunities to hire out that very research. I found out the hard way that most such sites are simply trying to scam people. I was victimized at least four times before I realized the way to separate legitimate investigative sites from rip offs. The legitimate cell phone search investigation sites--the few that there are--do not make the absurd claims that the rip off sites do. Those offering "unlimited searches" or "instant results" were obviously relying on some sort of database. As there is no cell phone database, these phone number search companies were clearly being dishonest.

Once I found a legitimate site I felt comfortable with, I placed an order to research a few cell phone numbers. The results were sent much quicker than I thought. And it turned out that the name and address info they provided was exactly right, as I recognized the names at once. While these numbers did nothing for my infidelity investigation, I was excited to have found a legitimate source to identify cellular phone numbers.

The source I had found happened to have the lowest price on the web (among those companies that actually provided current, accurate info). But the price was only to research a single phone number, and I had eight more numbers to submit. At $45 per number the cost of this clandestine investigation was adding up.

I bit the proverbial bullet and ordered all eight cell phone number search investigations at once. And like clockwork, a few hours later I received the results, identifying the name and address associated with each of the numbers. I only recognized a few of them, but one stood out. It was a St. Louis number and belonged to a woman I'd never heard of.

After chewing the info for a few days, I finally contacted a PI a friend of a friend had recommended. I wasn't sure about what to do next, but as we discussed the situation, and the money it could take to follow my husband around St. Louis from the time he arrived at the airport to the time he left, I decided to take a gamble.

After some non-prying conversation, I learned that the business meeting was the morning following the night my husband would arrive. I instructed the PI to sit on the woman from the cell phone search. He was to keep an eye on her house to see if my husband showed up there. He was to follow her if she left.

I wouldn't get his report until after the weekend. It was a long, difficult time to wait. But it was well worth it.

Here are the important portions of the report I received:

7:45pm-Arrived at the subject's residence. A single car is in the driveway and someone is clearly home.

9:26pm-A rental vehicle arrives, driven by an unknown male, who is met enthusiastically in the driveway by a woman assumed to be J. XXXXXX (we have no picture and client requested we not make contact. The two go inside. 9:31pm-The license plate of the vehicle identifies it as belonging to J. XXXXXX, as suspected

9:40pm-Lights in the house are extinguished

9:51pm-Our office received word from a contact that the car was rented to our client's husband.

10:45pm-The two leave in the rental car. We follow them to a diner a few miles away. The male is identified as our client's husband.

11:55pm-The pair leaves the diner and returns to the residence, where they remained the duration of the night.

The investigator's report included "particularly damning pictures." That is how my attorney phrased it.

About the author
J Logan is a financial writer in Boston,MA. He is currently pursuing a Doctorate in Economics at Northeastern.

Sign Of A Cheating Husband

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